


If I Can Dream Of A Warmer Sun

by SchlockOfAges



Category: Australian Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adopted Loki, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Awkward Dates, Bail Bonds, Bartender Loki, Bartenders, Bedroom Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Breakfast, Broken Dreams, Couch Sex, Crushes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Denial, Depression, Disfigurement, Eating Disorders, Failed acting career, Falling In Love, First Dates, Flashbacks, Flirting, Gay Male Character, Irregular eating, Kissing, Loneliness, Love Letters, Love Poems, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Origami, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Suicide Attempts, Post-Coital, Post-Coital Cuddling, Prostitution, Rock Bottom - Freeform, Scars, Sex in a Car, Suicidal Thoughts, Survival, Teacher Chris Hemsworth, Teen Crush, Unrequited Crush, alcoholic Loki, being arrested
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 11:43:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12605856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SchlockOfAges/pseuds/SchlockOfAges
Summary: Loki used to have big dreams. But after a vicious attack that's left him disfigured, now, those dreams are just about gone. He does what ever he can to get by, drinks his pain away, starves himself, and wonders if things will ever change. And then he runs into Chris Hemsworth. His old teacher from high school, and his past crush.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by If I Can Dream by Elvis Presley.

Loki used to have dreams, just like everyone else. After graduation, he planned to go to New York and become an Actor. He found a great acting school and thought he was gonna grace down red carpets, smiling at cameras flashing, begging to get a shot of him.

He dreamed he would have adoring fans, be somebody, and life would be great. After his high school graduation, he was gone. He went to New York, studied for almost three years, performed on stage, and even had gotten a roles in a few small projects. Nothing on the lines of Blockbusters, but he was happy nonetheless.

He was worried his acting was horrible, or that he was too boring for it. But his fellow cast members and some others, seemed to like his work. That gave him enough confidence to head out to LA, and try to further pursue his career. Anywhere you go, if you're not from there, you will most likely be treated like dirt. Depending on where you go, that is.

He got that treatment in New York, but most others were nice to him. But once he moved to LA, things got much worse. He went to dozens of auditions, hoping this would help him make it big, but those didn't end very well.

Then came the time where he went to one audition for a small Indie project done by Brock Rumlow. Brock isn't known throughout the Indie film world, but his projects are nothing short of wonderful, and his career is rising fast.

It was a little strange because it was held at the directors house, but on the phone, he said he would be holding more auditions later in the day. He decided to just brush it off, no big deal, so he went. He'll never forget that day.

 

##

 

About halfway through reading, Brock said "Okay, hold up, stop."

Loki looked up at him, afraid he had done something wrong. He asked "O-Oh, did you want me to read a different-"

"Oh no, no, no, no, you're doing great. Fantastic, actually. It's just..." He stopped and looked up at Loki through his lashes, studying him. And by studying, he means he leaned in and was examining him. "There's just somethin' about you...Can't put my finger on it...But it's good, it's really good. I could tell from the moment you walked in here, that you'd be _just_ what I need for this project."

The younger man sighed in relief and smiled. "Thank you, Sir." Before taking a sip of water from the glass sitting in front of him. He drank a little of it earlier, but wasn't that thirsty.

The older man smiled back and shook his head. He said "Man...You are beautiful."

Loki felt himself blush and he let out a nervous chuckle. Brock said "Sorry, I don't mean to sound forward, but it's true...As soon as I saw that pretty face...I knew you were the one." That's when Loki felt strange.

He was slowly feeling a little dizzy, and closed his eyes, thinking he was just nervous. But after a few seconds and taking a few deep breaths, he opened them, and saw everything start to get blurry. He looked up at the older man, who kept going in and out of focus, but Loki could see him grinning. "You okay, man? You look a little rough. Why don't you take another drink, might make you feel better."

The water. Brock must have done something to the water. Brock suddenly sighed and asked "You wanna know somethin'?" The older man then stepped behind him and Loki felt hands on his shoulders.

Brock slowly started massaging them, occasionally moving up and down his arms before he leaned in to the younger mans ear. He whispered "I lied...There aren't any auditions left, I got all the people I needed...I just wanted you to come, so we could have some fun.."

Though he kept getting dizzier and dizzier, the world spinning, his eyes getting heavier, his brain screamed for him to get up and run and as soon as he tried to stand up, Brock pushed down on his shoulders, forcing him back into his seat. But Loki wasn't going down without a fight. He started squirming, yelling at him to stop touching him, but his current state was giving the older man the upper hand.

Loki continued to fight, and Brock just grinned at seeing him squirm. He gripped Loki's wrists tight and said "Come on now, don't make this hard for yourself, Baby. Just sit back, lemme take care of you."

The drugs and his struggling were wearing him out, but then he remembered the glass. And he was thankful it was actually glass, because he finally spotted it through the blurriness, and grabbed it.

He knew he was close to blacking out, but he just needed this one chance to escape. Not knowing exactly where he was aiming, he aimed at what he was sure was the creeps face, and quickly shot his hand up, glass shattering on something solid. He heard yelling, Brock cussing him out, and Loki's felt something hit his head, and everything went black.

 

##

 

When Loki woke up, everything was still blurry. He could hear the sounds of panting, before he realized it was him who was doing it. He groaned, slowly rolling onto his back, and realized he was on a floor. His head felt like someone took a baseball bat to it, and when his vision finally cleared, he blinked and saw he was still at Brock's house.

He looked down at himself and saw he was naked from the waist down, and felt his eyes tear up. He felt something warm and sticky between his thighs and when he brought his hand down to examine, he pulled it back and saw blood, and what appeared to be semen. He heard yelling down the hall and when he looked up, he saw a couple police officers rushing towards him.

He hardly answered any questions they gave him, but he simply told him he came here to audition for the project, he was drugged, and he couldn't remember anything after that. They told him someone walking a dog nearby heard screaming, called the cops, and they were arresting Brock for assault and rape.

They kept staring at Loki's face and he wondered if Brock had done something to it. He kept asking for them to let him see his face, but they simply told him that he was going to have to be taken to the hospital. Even the EMT's were staring at his face and he demanded they show him his face, but told him to relax. It wasn't until he had photographs of the wounds he sustained from the attack, when he finally saw his [face](http://www.zaitseva.com/images/amose5.jpg).

He screamed like a Banshee when he saw what Brock did. When Brock was interrogated after being brought in, he said Loki had smashed a glass on the side of his head and after Loki passed out and he raped him, took one of the shards, and decided to cut his face. So no one else would want him after that. His face was also bruised on the other side, which wasn't scarred. 

Brock could've blinded Loki in his left eye when he was making the scar on his eyebrow. But Loki guesses something made Brock not do just that, and stuck to scarring his face. After everything, the short trial, pressing charges, Brock is sitting in jail. He hopes he rots and dies in there, and Loki's moved on. Or at least, has tried to.

 

##

 

Brock had done some damage to Loki's anus during the assault, but the doctor said it wasn't too serious. Though he should refrain from having sex there for a while, and it'll hurt during bowel movements, but he dealt with it. After that, he hadn't had anal sex or any other sex, for a few years.

The cuts definitely scarred, and he tries to cover them the best he can, but it eats at him. After Brock destroyed his dreams of becoming a more serious actor, Loki stayed in LA for awhile, but ended up moving back to his home state, a couple hours away from his home town, hoping it could help him move on.

All the moving had cost him everything. He now works part time as a bartender, and sells himself to help make ends meet. It's not that he enjoys it, he's just doing what he has to, to survive. 

 

##

 

After finishing his shift at the bar, he started walking home. He didn't live very far from the bar, so he didn't mind. Saves him money on gas, that's for sure. Tonight he really didn't feel like getting any extra money from his other job, but sometimes, he just doesn't care.

It was a little cold, and his jacket wasn't very thick, but he continued walking. He heard a car pulling up next to him, and someone honking the horn. Loki rolled his eyes, and then turned to face whoever was there. He saw a guy, around his late twenties, pretty cute. He smiled at Loki and said "Hi."

Loki put on a smile and walked over towards him. He rested his hand on the side of the car, before leaning down. He asked "Hey there. You lost?"

The guy shook his head and said "Nope. How much?"

"You looking for a date, Baby?"

"Sure am. How much, Beautiful?"

Loki chuckled and said "Depends on what you want."

He nodded and said "Okay, how much to fuck that pretty mouth?" 

Loki smirked and said "A hundred twenty-five. Anything else, is extra. That sound good, Baby?"

"Sounds perfect. Hop in." 

Loki smiled and walked over to the passengers seat and got in. He prayed this guy wasn't an undercover cop, he's never been arrested before. He shut the door behind him, put his seatbelt on, and asked "You have a place in mind where we can go?"

The man nodded and said "Yeah, I think I know a place. What's your name, Gorgeous?"

Loki smiled and said "Loki."

The man nodded again and said "It suits you, you look like a devious little Fox, it's pretty sexy. I'm Craig." 

Loki shook Craig's hand and said "It's nice to meet you, Craig." Before they took off.

 

##

 

They ended up in an abandoned parking lot, and Loki asked if he was clean before getting to work. The man was a decent size, Loki's dealt with men of all shapes in sizes, in body and in other things, a thousand times. He's amazed he hasn't been caught or accidentally climbed into an under covers car, before.

Craig was right about Loki being a devious little fox. He should've opted for being a lawyer, he's a world class liar. He's lied his way out of a lot of situations, even before his attack in LA. He was a good kid in school, but he was a good kid who knew how to lie. 

After they were finished, Craig gave him a peck on the cheek and said "Fuck, I hope I see you again...You got a mouth like a Hoover."

Loki genuinely laughed and Craig asked if he needed to be dropped off somewhere. Loki thought for a second and said "Yeah, I got a place in mind." And told him where ago. Craig dropped him off a block away from his apartment, and honked as Loki walked away.

 

##

 

Loki's apartment is nothing flashy, but it isn't a shit hole either. The rent is decent, and he may or may not have let his landlord fuck him a couple of times to make sure it stayed that way, and to give Loki extra time to make up the rent, in case he's ever late. He hasn't been late yet, but has had some close calls.

He closed the door behind him, and groaned. He kicked his shoes off and stripped down to his underwear as he walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth a couple of times before using makeup remover wipes to gently take off the coverup he uses almost every day, off of his scars.

He hates looking at himself in the mirror. He usually never looks unless he has to, but sometimes, he'll just state at himself. He would stare at his scars, fingers would sometimes trace along the lines, reminding him every day, of what happened. 

Ever since he moved for the last time, he started drinking. He only drinks at home, but he'll never admit that he's an alcoholic. He drinks almost nothing but alcohol and some water, almost every chance he gets when he's at home. He just drinks at home, he doesn't drink and drive, he's not that stupid. He hasn't been arrested yet, and he'd like it to stay that way.

When he's not drunk, he'll hardly eat anything. He'd eat maybe one meal every couple days, and sometimes a snack, but not always. He drinks, he starves himself, as punishment for being so stupid and not realizing the signs when he was at Brock's house that day. And he's got more scars than the ones on his face.

He's got long scars that run vertically along both wrists. You'd have to be blind to miss them. He did it once while taking a bath. There was a lot of blood and he hoped he would've died then, but he didn't. He's thought about trying harder every waking moment he has, but is too scared to try it again.

After he snapped out of his trance, he walked to the small kitchen, and pulled out a new bottle of Jack Daniels and drank until he passed out on his bed, on top of the sheets.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grocery shopping. Ghost from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More flashbacks in this one. I just hope you notice them and of you get confused, let me know :). Oh and I changed it to where Loki doesn't admit that he's an alcoholic, so I hope I don't confuse anyone with that either ❤.

Loki's head was pounding. He groaned and rubbed his eyes with his hand before rolling over onto his side. He looked over at hod alarm clock and saw it was almost one in the afternoon. 

He sighed and rolled onto his back, muttering "Fuck." Before staring at the ceiling. Thank God he doesn't have to work today. But then he remembered he had to get some groceries today, which means he has to get out of bed.

He groaned louder and after lying on the bed for ten minutes, he finally got up and dragged himself to the bathroom to shower.

 

##

 

He left his apartment wearing his hangover sunglasses, and Pajamas. He really didn't feel like dressing up just to go buy food for the next week, so why bother? By the time he was in the car, he forgot to cover up his scars. He groaned and was about to go back in to fix them, but said "Fuck it" And headed to the store at his closest convenience, which was thirty minutes away.

He'll never admit that he's an alcoholic. And does he get urges to drink while working and driving? Of course he fucking does. And it's worse since he drinks a lot and works at a fucking _bar_ of all places.

Now while they are close to opening the bar during the day, his boss, whose a very calm, cool guy named Clint, watches them, mainly Loki, closely. He knows Loki has a problem, but Loki won't ever admit to it. But he feels like he's different from the others.

He gets urges to drink all the time, he binge drinks, he does it all, but when he's at work or driving, he just sort of _knows_ he shouldn't do that, somehow. Like his brain is wired to not drink during his shift or while on the road.

Mainly because he knows his sweet ass wouldn't last a night in jail. Though others would say different about his addiction, he just feels...Different. He drinks at home, and that's it, so therefore, he mustn't be an alcoholic then. He knows he's got problems, but doesn't care.

 

##

 

Even though he hardly eats, he still gets food. He eats whenever he thinks he should eat, and tries not to buy so much perishable food to do so. He probably looked like shit, but he just wanted to get what he needs, so he can go home. 

He made his way down to an aisle, giving a half-assed 'Excuse me' while passing a mother with a screaming baby. Loki groaned from the noise, and just shook it out of his head before he realized he was in the cookie aisle. It was only him and one other person, and right now, he actually felt a _little_ hungry for some cookies. 

With his sunglasses still on, his eyes roamed about all the different brands and packages of cookies, until he spotted his favorite ones, on the top shelf by some guy. He started to reach for them, but after failing a couple times, the guy noticed and said "Here, let me get that for you." And got him the box he wanted. It wasn't like Loki was short, he's 6'2", but has problems when trying to do most things when he's hungover.

The guy had a sexy accent, deep tone, and not to mention he's quite possibly the hottest guy he's ever laid eyes on, and Loki blushed before thanking him. The guy smiled politely and said "No trouble, Mate. Long night?"

Loki shrugged, his eyebrows quickly jumping up and back down, before he said "Something like that."

The guy chuckled and said "Yeah, I feel ya." 

There was something about him that Loki couldn't shake. That accent, his face, he looked far too familiar...After a minute of looking at him, it finally clicked. He gasped and he quickly pulled his sunglasses off, and pushed the hoot of his jacket down. He didn't bother much with his hair, but at leashed brushed it into some sort of order. 

The guy looked at him confused and Loki narrowed his eyes at him. "Mister Hemsworth?" That seemed to further confuse the man, but he was certainly responding to it. Loki dared take a step closer, and he asked "You were my Tenth grade English teacher, my Speech teacher my Junior year, and my AP Literature teacher, my Senior year...Loki Laufeyson, do you remember?"

He watched as the blond got a better look at his face, catching those eyes that have haunted him for years, quickly darting towards his scarred left side, before looking back. He nodded and Loki watched as a grin slowly spread across his face. "Yeah...Wow Loki, it's been too long...I figured you were in New York right now, how's the acting business going??"

He remembered. He actually remembered. It's been ten years since he's seen him, but he still remembered when Loki told him what he wanted to do with his life.

 

##

 

High school was a nightmare. He and his adoptive family moved to a new state when Loki just started his Freshman year, and he became a target right away. Unfortunately, kids at this school hounded the fresh meats, and since he was both a new kid and a Freshman, meant he usually got the worst of it.

He ignored it the best he could so he wouldn't give them the satisfaction, but some situations, were worse than others. He had no friends, and spent that whole year, so incredibly lonely. Then came Sophomore year. The very first day when he was tripped and his books and things scattered to the floor.

People started laughing, until someone yelled for them to move along, and Loki was suddenly faced with the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life. He was tall, built like a God, dirty blond hair that rested almost to his shoulders, and blue eyes that could give Sapphires a run for their money. The man smiled kindly at him and asked "You okay?"

Loki tried to say something, but swallowed and nodded instead. The man nodded and helped him gather his things before they stood up. He patted his shoulder and said "Yeah, I remember high school...Don't let these guys get to you, yeah?"

Loki said "I don't.."

The mans smiled widened and he said "Well that's good. What's your name?"

Loki smiled a little and hugged his books to his chest before saying "Loki."

The older man nodded and said "It's nice to meet you-" And was cut off when the first bell rang. Loki sighed and the man simply shrugged. He smiled at the boy and said "Have a good first day, Loki. Hope to see you around." And Loki watched as he walked off. 

 

##

 

Loki swallowed at the memory and then focused his attention back on his former teacher. He said "Well uh-umm...I went and studied for a-a little while, but um...I did some stuff, but it didn't really worked out....So I decided to come back."

Chris' smile dropped and he said "Oh...Fuck Loki, sorry to hear that. You alright?"

 _Not really_ , he thought. But he shrugged and said "I'm alright, I guess. You? Are you still teaching?" 

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah. It feels weird every time I get new students in my classes, it feels like all the other students I've taught, never existed. The first day school started up again, I had two female teachers and five female students asking me for my number before the assembly even started."

Loki chuckled and said "Well, who can blame them, you're the best fucking thing to ever happened to that school-" and cut himself off.

Chris gave him an amused look and Loki quickly said "I have to go." And started walking away before he said anything else stupid.

Chris quickly caught up to him and said "Hey wait, Loki! Loki, it's alright. Hold up!" And Loki sighed before stopping his cart. He turned to look back at him and almost gasped when he saw how close his former teacher was now than in the cookie aisle.

He looked up at the blond through his lashes as the older man smiled down at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you back there...I was just thinking...I dunno...That maybe we can hang out or something, since you haven't been one of my students for some years now?"

Loki cocked his head to the side and felt a smile grow on his face. He's always thought about the idea of them "hanging out" while he was a student, the "hanging out" mostly wanting to be fucked by this man until he couldn't sit for days. And now that he hasn't been a student for almost ten years now, that possibility could happen, stress free.

He smiled and said "Sure, I think I can come up with something."

The blond smiled but before he could say anything, Loki said "But, not right now, I need to finish and get this stuff home. That sound okay?"

His former teacher nodded and his smile grew. "Yeah, that sounds good. Here, let me give you my number." He put his number into Loki's phone and asked "You need help finishing up here?"

The younger man shook his head and said "No, I think I've got it covered...It was nice seeing you again, Mister Hemsworth."

The blond chuckled and said "I'm not your teacher anymore, call me Chris."

Loki nodded and said "I know. I just like saying it." Winking at him before smirking. "Bye Chris." And turned before walking off towards the alcohol aisle.

 

##

 

After putting everything away, he opened up one of the three new bottles of white wine he got before he left, not being phased by the look the lady at the register gave him, and poured himself a glass before taking a long drink from the bottle.

He went into the living room and flipped through channels for awhile, settling on some reruns of Project Runway. 

He turned on his phone and saw Chris' name in his contacts, and thought about sending him a text. Then after a minute of thinking, decided against it, and laid it down on his stomach. 

He drank almost the whole bottle in just a few hours, before falling asleep, his dreams being filled with Chris for the first time in a few years.

 

##

 

After his first encounter with Chris, Loki developed a bit of a crush on him. It was a sad, pathetic high school crush, he knew Chris would never do anything with him, and wouldn't want to get him in trouble. 

But God, did he _dream_ of it. In class, at home, and just about everywhere else, every day, he dreamed about his teacher. All the girls weren't the only ones getting all hot and bothered about him.

He had a few times where he would be in Daydream Land during class. He'd dream about Chris fucking right in the middle of class in front of everyone, people paying attention or not, it didn't matter. Or he'd have cheesy porn scenarios, Teacher and Student, Step Father and Step Son, Prison, all sorts of shit. He was the main subject when Loki would fuck his fist until he'd see stars.

Chris was always nice to him, but he was nice to everyone, unless something goes wrong. He's seen how Chris looks when he's stressed out, disappointed, it killed him to see him this way. He just wanted to curl up on the older mans lap, kiss all over his face, hug him, and tell him everything would be okay. He thinks that's the first time he realized he was in love with him.

He felt so sick for having crush on a teacher. A teacher who is liked by everyone he meets, whose so warm and friendly, with a big heart, like a giant Golden Retriever. He could have anyone he wanted, regardless or sex or anything else, but he knew Chris wouldn't want him, he couldn't. Even if it wasn't illegal, he's sure the older man would fuck some other student, but not him.

He worked hard in his class, turned in every assignment early or on time, got A's in every class, but especially wanted to impress Chris when he would be in his class. He's never gotten in trouble with Chris, never backtalked, never gave him grief, he would never. It even got to the point where he'd leave little gifts for him.

He'd leave stupid little cute drawings, love notes, poems, and various Origami creations on his desk, when no one was looking. The last one he gave him before he graduated, was an Origami heart, with _**I'll Miss You The Most,**_ written on the inside, and a blue sticky note that said _**Thank you for being there and for believing in me.**_ He's seen Chris look at them, but never threw them away. He'd stash them somewhere in his desk.

He wonders if he ever found out who did it, and part of him wonders if he knew right away, that it was him. He had it _bad_ for him, and seeing him years later after everything, he's sure it'll build him up all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> The picture of the girl is pretty much exactly how I pictured Loki's scars.


End file.
